Say what you mean! 5 secrets to great communication
Aug 25, · Introduction. In the English language, we have a lot of quotes that comes across as powerful and inspiring, but many people don’t know what they mean or where they come from. One such phrase is “Say what you mean and mean what you say”. “Say what you mean and mean what you say”means don’t tell the truth and keep your promises. Say what? 1. Please repeat that, I couldn't hear or didn't understand it. A: "We're going to France this summer." B: "Say what?" A: "France! We're going to France this summer!" B: "Oh, sorry, I thought you said you were going to Fran's, as in my friend Fran from New Orleans." 2. That's ridiculous; that can't be true or correct. A: "John quit his job to.
It makes sense, most issues turn into arguments because we as people really struggle to say what we mean and mean what we say. Picture this, a two-year-old walks how to hold a de razor to his mothers and says something. That one is my favorite, and could you make sure it is cold.
But mom proceeds to pour some water in the nearest cup a red one from the faucet. And you gave me tap water, room temp tap water, I want my water cold! I think I am being clear here! He throws himself on the ground and the cup of water at his mother.
Communication is a combination of several things: the words we use, our tone, our body language, our intended message, our inferences, and our assumptions think of assumptions as the mental filters and historical biases we all have. We are often aware of the first two, sometimes even the third element, but people often forget the latter three.
Truth be told, in most cases it is not much of an issue, but it does become paramount when trying to convey serious or complex thoughts. I walked into the house after work and was cold, so I went to check the thermostat and noticed it was set to My kid was going upstairs and I mentioned this and he told me that he had messed with it. Unwilling what key to buy a harmonica in calmly resolve this anymore and frustrated, I walked out of the room to go joke around with the wee ones.
Later, when we were both a touch calmer I explained the misunderstanding, and the fact that he was jumping to conclusions! This type of argument is ridiculously common, and not just in my household. In other words, you come to a conversation with your own personal filters, which impact what you say, but also how you interpret incoming speech. Read the signs, are they understanding you correctly? These universal filters and the complexity of proper communication are one of the reasons why some forms of written communication, especially brief forms such as texting and social media comments, are awful when trying to convey complex thoughts.
Knowing what your assumptions are really helps clear up your communication! Just click the image and download it for free! Well said, I think? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Do you speak toddler? Apparently that was the right sipy cup. Share This: Twitter. Say what you mean!
Fred Fox July 30, Leave a Comment. Contact Us. Start typing and press Enter to search.
Do you speak toddler?
Apr 16, · Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say. By Judith E. Glaser But don’t be mean! Our least developed skill is the ability to confront each other face to face, say what is in our hearts and minds, and at the same time build and strengthen our funlovestory.com: Judith E. Glaser. Here's a list of similar words from our thesaurus that you can use instead. Verb. Mean what one says. be serious. be deadly serious. be determined. be in earnest. be resolute. mean business.
Last Updated: December 27, References. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. There are 20 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed , times. It can be challenging to know how to speak up for yourself without coming off as mean toward another person. It will take time and practice, but you can learn to be clear, direct, and respectful towards others when speaking.
You will have to take steps to think before you speak, speak clearly, use appropriate body language, and listen well to others. Log in Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue.
Everyone has different ways of communicating, but some styles make it more difficult to say what you mean, mean what you say, and avoid being mean. Passive people tend to avoid speaking up and avoid confrontation.
They overreact and belittle others in interactions. They are indirect, make promises and commitments they cannot keep, give people the silent treatment, and use sarcasm. They may come across as judgmental. Practice speaking in front of a mirror. Think of typical situations in which you are having trouble speaking up. Take time to gather your thoughts.
Practice with a trusted friend. Role-play with a trained professional, such as a counselor, who can give you honest and objective feedback. Use appropriate language. These are especially helpful when you need to convey negative feelings or have an uncomfortable conversation. I need more time with you to do this together.
Use appropriate body language. If you use appropriate body language, your message will be better received by the other person. Assertive body language comes across as more confident.
Begin by looking person directly in the eye. Do not look down, look away, or glare. Stand or sit up straight. Avoid putting your hands on your hips, clenching your fists, or pointing your finger at the other person. Do not fidget. Do not raise your voice, shout, or hesitate. Part 2 of Think before speaking. Do a quick check-in with yourself about how you feel. Consider your audience and what feedback you need to give.
If you focus too much on your relationship with the other person, your message may not come across as clearly and directly as you intend. You may water down what you mean with compliments instead of focusing clearly on the issues you need to address. Be confident. Believe in yourself and know that your opinions have value. Your feelings are just as important as anyone else's and you have a right to express them. You have a right to speak up for yourself.
Keep in mind that you have the right to express your thoughts, feelings and beliefs — and so does everyone else, even those who disagree with you. Don't try to dominate the conversation or bully the other person, even if you feel passionately about your point of view.
Be honest and be brief. It's okay to simply say, "No, I can't do that. Keep it polite "Thank you for asking, but If you are finding it difficult to decline, you can say that: "This is really hard for me, but I have to say no. Know your emotions. Your feelings may be what you need to talk about, but don't let them overwhelm you and dictate what you say and how you say it. Whoever you're talking to may feel attacked, defensive, and focus only on the emotion coming at her, rather than the message.
Slow down and re-focus on what you really need in order to be able to mean what you say. If you are angry, and you want to express that, you don't need to rage or scream. Don't allow your anger to make you say something insulting or abusive.
Try taking a few deep breaths. If you can't control yourself, remove yourself from the situation. Say something like, "I'm really angry right now. I need to take a minute. I'd like to talk to you about this later. Be firm. When speaking and giving your opinions to others, don't change your mind too much.
Stick with decisions and statements you make, but be clear and sure about them beforehand. Do not let others pressure you into changing your mind for the wrong reasons, but do be open to hearing others out. If you know that you don't have time to bake a cake for your nephew's birthday party, but your sister keeps insisting, don't allow guilt or manipulation to sway you.
You can offer a compromise by suggesting other ways you can help. Try something like, "I really can't take that on right now. If you order the cake from the bakery I wold be happy to pick it up on the way to the party, or I can come an hour early to help you set up.
Part 3 of Show empathy. You should acknowledge how the other person may be feeling while firmly requesting a change. If you are having trouble with a roommate, acknowledge their perspective too.
Listen actively. Pay attention to what the other person has to say, and reflect back or summarize what they just said to you. Use facts when giving feedback. Avoid judgments, insults, and personal attacks. You never clean up! Avoid getting defensive. Take a deep breath.
Instead of getting caught in an argument, try to diffuse the situation and ease tension. Take another deep breath. Your first impulse will likely be to defend yourself when you feel attacked. You may also feel that it is necessary to retaliate when you feel attacked.
This is not a healthy response, either. If the conversation is getting particularly tense, try pausing, counting to ten, and then asking for a break. Reduce sarcasm. The purpose of sarcasm is to deflect your discomfort or insecurity in a conversation. Sarcasm can often come across as aloof, mean, and frustrating. Try to use it less to create more intimacy and clarity in interactions.